Hello Jack!

Photo by Adam Goodnough

I have this old habit--something I've done since elementary school--of trying to imagine or envision what the next stage of my life will be like. It's almost like I'm rehearsing the future, trying to prepare myself for what is coming my way. Those who know me best know that I am big on "being prepared." I don't like to be caught unaware. I don't usually like surprises. I like to plan ahead. I want to be ready. Of course, my preparation often falls short because life is full of surprises, whether you like them or not. But that doesn't stop me from trying: I over-plan, overpack, and overthink my way through life.  

Yet try as I might, I could not quite imagine or envision what having a grandchild would be like. As part of my preparation, I've been keeping a close eye on other grandparents for years--doing research. I was trying hard to get an emotional glimpse of what it would be like when my turn came. I saw how besotted they were with their grandchildren, how much they talked about them, how much they liked to spend time with them. I thought I understood. 

Then Baby Jack arrived, and I discovered I was completely unprepared for the tidal wave of emotion that swept over me the first time I saw him and held him. I realized my research had only taken me so far: I had understood with my head, but not with my heart. I was surprised in the best possible way. And the emotional waves just keep coming--with each visit and every photo and video. The feeling is nothing like getting knocked down by a wave in the ocean though; it's more like falling into a cloud or the softest feather bed or a clean, clear pool of calm water. Time stops for a minute, and you want to stay inside that minute forever.

And then there is the second surprise: watching your kids become parents. My son and daughter-in-law have fallen head-over-heels in love with their boy and have stepped so naturally into being parents, you'd think they'd been preparing for these roles their whole lives. My heart feels like it will burst when I watch them together. 

So I'd say young Jack has already taught his old grandmother a few things: 1) You can't be prepared for everything (but it's okay to try), 2) Surprises can be very good, and 3) The adventure is just beginning. 

Photo by Adam Goodnough